Virtual Coffee Date – July 2018

Virtual Coffee Date

Happy Thursday! I hope you’ll sit down and refill that cup of coffee or glass of wine, depending on the hour, as it is time for a virtual date. A lot has transpired since our last date together.  Even though I am smack in the middle of a whirlwind work week before we head out on vacation, I’m in a far better place than I was a few months ago. Life continues to speed by faster than ever, but I find myself waking up smiling and going to bed feeling content I have a lot to share with you all today, so here goes.

If we were sitting together today, I would tell you that the baby weight is finally gone. As of this morning, I weight exactly what I weighed in August of 2016. My mom and so many other wise friends and women always told me that it took nine to ten months to put on the weight, so it will take at least that long to take off the weight. They were right! It took almost thirteen months but I am proud that I didn’t drive myself crazy. I didn’t obsess over numbers on the scale or the size on a clothing tag. My body shape is not the same as it was before, since I now am the proud of owner of hips and a few more curves.

If we were sitting together today, I would tell you that I am really enjoying my workout routine these days. For the past month I’ve been doing Pilates 2-3 times per week, running 3-4 times per week and walking everywhere. Once maternity leave was over, I suddenly started sitting more than ever before. I wasn’t walking or commuting into the city for workouts or trekking all over to meet friends or run errands. Instead, I was walking a 1/3 of a mile to the nanny share and back each day. I’ve increased my average step count each week since this realization from around 5,000 to 9,000. On weekdays, when I’m working from home, I’m taking 20 minutes during the day, typically during a conference call that doesn’t require a computer, to walk outside. I’m also taking the “long” way to nanny share and home each day with Katie. I’ve come to enjoy this time together as we have a very one-sided conversation about the day, the weather and everything we are passing along the way.

If we were sitting together today, I would tell you that I am so proud of my dear friend Theodora. I have learned so much over the past year, as I’ve watched her go through the grief process following her mother’s death. I am a far better friend now than I was two years ago, due in part to the things I’ve learned from her as I’ve done my best to support her through this difficult time. The other night, during a tough moment, she told me how sad she is for her friends who will go through the grief process at one point when they lose their mother or another loved one. As someone who still has both her parents, this of course struck a chord. Needless to say, I’m making a more conscious effort to connect with my loved ones via phone and in person. I’m thankful that this year we’ve chosen to use most of our vacation time to be with family. Next week we are heading to Avalon, New Jersey for a week of beach and sunshine with Bo’s parents and cousins and then in August we’ll be down in Savannah for 10 days. I’m going to focus on enjoying the moment and creating memories during each of these trips. (You can read more about Theodora’s journey in this Women’s Health article.)

If we were sitting together today, I would tell you I love the new Question feature in Instagram. It’s been so fun to respond to the questions people have on topics ranging from weight loss to baby schedules. It reminds me of back in the day when people used to leave a ton of comments on blog posts.  I love how easy Instagram made it for friends and followers to ask questions and it will hopefully decrease the DM which tend to get easily lost.

If we were sitting together today, I would tell you that I’m so excited to head upstairs in a few minutes. I’ve fallen out of the habit of reading before bed but am focused on getting back in the habit. I find that I sleep better when I spend 20 or 30 minutes relaxing in bed with a good book and putting away my phone. It gives my body and mind a chance to relax before going to sleep. Right now I’m reading two books – Educated and The Identicals. I’m having a hard time making it through some portions of Educated so find that I can enjoy it more when I read it every other night.  In a perfect world, I would get back to the evening routine that makes me happiest – apply relaxing hand cream, light a candle, read for 30 minutes, turn off the lights, and meditate for 3-5 minutes using Headspace.

If we were sitting together today, I would tell you that I celebrated feeling good about my body by buying new clothes to enjoy the rest of this summer and on our two upcoming vacations. I guess I’ve become accustomed to living a more streamlined, simplified life because after trying everything on, I decided to return quite a few items because I just didn’t “need” them.  I ended up keeping my favorite v-neck t-shirt in a bright red and athletic gray, these fun pull-on shorts , this easy, breezy t-shirt dress, these jean shorts, and these white jeans.  If you need summer clothes, JCrew has 30% off sale items and Jcrew Factory has up to 60% off!

If we were sitting together today, I would laugh about the fact that I’ve come to realize that some household chores drive me bonkers. Emptying the dishwasher and putting away folded clothes are always the last on my list. What is your least favorite household chore?  Every two to three weeks we have a maid cleaning lady come and do deep cleaning but in between, Bo and I do our best to keep the house looking and feeling nice. When the house is clean and organized, we are both much happier people. We typically use the spare bedroom as a “junk room” and then put things away during the weekend. Some people have junk drawers and we have a junk room. I’m not sure what that says about us but for now, it works. We typically have a small pile of folded clothes, things that need to be returned/exchanged and boxes we have to cut.

Photos: Anna Rachel Photograph

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International Women’s Day

 

Good morning! Today we are going to change gears a bit. I had a post planned which shared some of my travel essentials that are packed in my carry-on bag and stowed above my head during today’s flight from New York to San Francisco.

mom rusty and ash

But then, as I read Grace’s post, I was inspired to share some thoughts with you all today in honor of International Women’s Day.   I am thankful for the strong women in my family who have shaped and inspired me for over 30 years. These four women are radically different from each other and therefore shaped and molded me in their own way.

    • Mom – My mother worked night shifts as a neonatal nurse in order to have more time with us while we were growing up. Even though she worked four, ten-hour shifts per week she made my brother and I her priority – never missing a chorus performance, awards ceremony or birthday. She proved that a working mother could also be engaged in her family. I realize now, as I grow older, just how much she sacrificed for us during these years as night shift can wreak havoc on one’s body. Her caring and nurturing heart, helped me develop a softer and more loving side when I needed it most.  She also taught me that with hard work, anything was possible.
    • My Aunts – Each of my three aunts, while very different and unique, impacted my childhood by helping me see the world and inspiring me to aspire for my dreams. My Aunt Rusty worked in one of the largest investment banks in New York City back in the 1980s when women were rarely seen in this environment. She stood up for her beliefs and rights as a female, exposing me to the trials and tribulations females faced in the professional world. Within our family, my Aunt Annamay is the woman who is impassioned to support those who were born with less. Years of teaching English as a second language in an Arizona border town has allowed her to share with me and my family the difficulties so many people face each day and remind us how much we have in our lives. My Aunt Linda inspired me with her passion for shaping children’s lives as a school principal.

I am not sure whether it is because of the recent press or the fact that I am currently carrying a tiny baby girl who will enter the world in June, but this year more than ever, women’s empowerment has been on my mind. I’ve had many discussions with friends, family, and co-workers about this topic over the past four months.  The wonderful thing about these discussions is that I have learned something from each of them. Living in New York City has provided me with the opportunity to become close with friends and colleagues who are very different than me.  I love that these differences mean that our views often do not align, nor do the way we share our views with the world. But, this difference in opinion, has also inspired me.

I shared, via an email with a relative recently, that I personally don’t believe that marches, boycotts and countless phone calls to government officials, is the only way to show support for today’s women.  I firmly believe that we can each take action in ways that are just as unique as each us. So while I may not have images of me at one of the many Women’s Marches on my social media feed, I thought today was a perfect day to share my thoughts on a few ways any woman can be a strong woman in today’s world while supporting others. 

working for it

Invest in the future by mentoring young women. This year I have made the decision to invest time mentoring women both personally and professionally. Through my alma mater, The University of Georgia, and my company, Procter & Gamble, I have had the opportunity to work with four incredible women as they forge their paths into the workforce.

Focus on supporting women versus competing with them. I learned a long time ago, that the comparison trap is an evil place to live. Regardless how hard you work to climb the professional ladder, how much you train or how many different filters you layer in Instagram; within moments someone will come along who is climbs faster, gets results faster or receives more likes and engagement. It is easy to fall prey to the numbers game and spend hours comparing yourself but over the past year,  I have found that I gain much more by supporting women. Sometimes this means finding happiness for that friend who is promoted faster, celebrating a friend’s half marathon PR after you have a horrible race or sending a quick note to someone who needs it most.  

NEW Women

Find your support network and nurture it. Over the past year, as I’ve come in contact with women who feel toxic or don’t support other women, I do my best to create a distance. Whether it is unfollowing them on social media, disassociating with them in the workplace or not meeting with them again, I believe that we are responsible for doing our best to surround ourselves with people who inspire and support us. Some people call this their tribe or girl gang. Whatever the word, find the network of women who uplift you most. I am so thankful to have seven women, whom I call mentors or friends, within my company that inspire me on a daily basis. These women have advocated on my behalf, helped me navigate through office politics and been there to high five and celebrate the wins over the years. Though they live across the country, they have proven multiple times that they are just a phone call, email or text message away. Depending on the size of your company or office, it may be difficult to find many women but even one can make a difference. Once you find them, make sure to nurture the relationship by ensuring it is a two-way street.  In my personal life,  I have realized that my friend groups and circles have evolved over the years due in part to our time abroad as well as changing life stages. While giving my friend addresses for baby shower invites, I realized that there are women in my life now that have made a huge impact in a short time while others have unfortunately fallen out of the circle. While I don’t harbor negative feelings towards those that I’m no longer close with, I have made a conscious effort to nurture the friendships that are most important to me at this point in my life. This year that has meant traveling to Iowa to see dear college friends, connecting via email, phone, and text with friends who aren’t local and continuing to be the organizer and planner for those that live in New York City.

Remember that your actions speak louder than words. While it is wonderful to advocate for women in ways that are personally meaningful to you, remember that it is not what you write on a Facebook post or piece of paper that speaks the loudest. Instead, it is the way you carry yourself and serve as a role model 365 days a year.  Wherever you are, there is someone watching you and she could be an easily influenced teenager or a lost 30-year-old. Just because something isn’t shared on social media doesn’t mean it didn’t happen or come out of your mouth. Let us learn from example and choose our words and actions wisely.

I only hope that my daughter has the opportunity to see and experience the world from a similar vantage point that I did. Realizing from an early age that thanks to the support and hard work by the women who came before her, she can enjoy the right to vote, freedom to choose and equal opportunity school and workplace that allows her to thrive and grow.

I would love to hear your thoughts in honor of International Women’s Day. How do you show your support?

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The Cost of Overcommitting

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Back in July, I talked about how striving for healthy had left me exhausted over the past few years. What I didn’t realize at the time was that it wasn’t just the my training schedules and workouts that were leaving me exhausting and zapping my energy. Beyond this, it was the constant jam-packed professional, personal and blog calendar that I set for myself on a weekly basis.  Since I wrote that post, I have made a concerted effort to think twice before making commitments. But sometimes, having the ability to say no is different than actually practicing it.

For years, I was the yes girl. Happy to be included and invited, I said yes to everything for fear of not being invited again in the future. The crazy thing, this was relevant for both professional, personal and blog commitments. Double booked? I didn’t let that become an issue. Instead, I would figure a way to make it to both commitments, even if that meant traveling across town just to say hi for a few minutes. I thought this effort and brief face time was better than declining. But, I found that I wasn’t able to be fully present. I was stressed, exhausted and burnt out from this cycle of over-commitment.

During August and September, I did a great job saying no thank you, rescheduling or reorganizing commitments so that I was allowed breathing room – those evenings each week to relax and invest in myself, family, friends, and Bo.

This week, as if to remind me to stay the course and learn an expensive lesson from my prior ways, I have “wasted” $350 on commitment costs. Some of these were booked as early as March, well ahead of the time I reached my tipping point. Guilty about “throwing money away” I considered keeping each event on my calendar. While I could physically attend each of them, I knew, deep down they wouldn’t bring me happiness, pleasure or fulfillment. This question may make me seem selfish or self-centered. But, I’ve found that by asking these questions before making commitments I create space in my life so that I am able to bring others happiness by fully engaging – whether during a coffee date, run, business meeting or girls weekend.

As I read this article, shared on Facebook by Liz Barnet, I released the guilt and changed my mindset. The sunk cost of these commitments was just a reinforcement and lesson in the opportunity cost of commuting too early and often. I need to focus on making fewer commitments or I will never change this habit I developed over the past ten years.  Spending time and making plans with friends should be enjoyable, not something that causes stress. But, in today’s connected world, we have larger networks, as Kathryn Ebner pointed out in the article.  I never understood why friends would say “I need to wait and see” when receiving an invite months in advance but now I get it. We can’t control family, work, and personal demands so if we fill all our “free time” months in advance we aren’t giving ourselves the freedom and flexibility to ebb and flow with life’s demands.

What are your thoughts on planning ahead? Do you over commit or under commit? As I continue to grow and evolve in this area, I would love your tips! 

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